There was a time when people called on the mobile or car phone only in an emergency. These days I feel people call with every little thought that pops into their head. To make matters worse, the conversation is never quick. You would think it would be, but it never is. People just don’t know when to stop. I find it hard to cut off people as well mid conversation. It’s not like I am not guilty of that either… talking on incessantly. But it’s only when I know we’ve settled in for a long conversation. Even then, I make an active effort to make sure and ask that I’m not keeping someone from something.
These days I’ve realized that answering every phone call means being disrupted and not being able to get work done. So I try to keep the phone ringer off and call back only when I’m done. Some people are decent, will ring once. Some people keep calling, like I would magically become free in a few seconds and be able to pick the second call. Some people are even stupid enough to send out an email copying the whole world saying, I tried to call but you didn’t answer. I wonder what they’re trying to achieve. Trying to embarrass someone into answering their phone. Or may be, they are just trying to say that they did their part by trying to call. Surely, people don’t think that we stare at our phone all day waiting to pick it up as soon as someone is calling. I’m ranting… it’s just that I wish that people would know when to stop.
I suddenly realized that we’re at the end of January. For some reason I thought we had another week to go.
I also suddently really that this New Year I didn’t make any resolutions or set any goals. Last year, I did. Although I didn’t regularly keep score, I feel like I accomplished 6 out of the 10 that I had made which is not bad at all. So it’s not like I didn’t achieve anything so I’m giving up this year.
Somehow, it didn’t feel like a new year or a new beginning. It felt like just any other month starting so, it didn’t feel like I needed to do anything special or set any goals for the year.
I guess now that I’ve realized it is the new year… I need to sit and make some goals.
I don’t know what it is… I just haven’t like writing for a while. I think, like most other facets of my life, I put up impossible standards for myself. I feel like if I don’t write something profound, then I shouldn’t be writing at all. None of what I’ve written in this blog has been profound in any way. So I don’t see why I feel the next post should be. Yet the need for some kind of perfection keeps me from doing things, not just writing this blog. It makes me procrastinate and it makes me skip things that I would have otherwise done. I’ve decided to actively stop doing that. Something doesn’t have to be perfect to get done. Sometimes I can do something that’s just so-so. And it’s ok. My biggest critic is me and that has to stop. If I want to write, I should just write without having to worry whether it’s good or not.
Sometimes some people do things that just make you say “bless him / her!”. Today was one such day. As I walked to my car in the parking lot, I realized it looked quite shiny and clean. I hadn’t actually asked for the car to be washed but the guy did it any way.
We have an eco-friendly car wash service and I regularly get my car washed every week by the same guy. But I got in late today and yesterday so he wasn’t at his usual spot and I couldn’t pay him to wash the car. But he did it anyway. So he did it in good faith and it put a smile on my face. (I will of course hunt him down and pay him tomorrow)
Do you ever feel like you could be doing something more with your life? Somehow I’m getting this feeling a lot lately. It’s not that I’m frustrated with my life or my work. I’m actually happy and can’t remember the last time I’ve been this ok. But, may be that’s why I feel that this just may not be it. This may not be sustainable.
I’ve never really thought about long-term goals and my aim in life. Over the last few years, I’ve just lived from one day to the next and let nature take it’s course. I’ve made decisions when I’ve had to but, not necessarily working towards a goal. At this stage, I’m not so sure what my goal is. I’ve just been working and working and going through each day as it comes. I’m tired and I don’t know if I’m achieving anything other than paying my debts.
I’m not sure if I’ve managed to explain how I’m feeling but, it just feels like something’s missing. It feels like there’s something more I could be doing.
Sometimes a useful delusion is better than a useless truth. – Coleson Whitehead “The Underground Railroad”